1.
She was in the bathroom,
putting on her makeup, under
the watchful eyes of her young
granddaughter, as she'd done
many times before. After
she applied her lipstick and
started to leave, the little
one said, "But Gramma,
you forgot to kiss the toilet
paper good-bye!" I will
probably never put lipstick on
again without thinking about
kissing the toilet paper
good-bye..
2.
My young grandson called the
other day to wish me Happy
Birthday. He asked me
how old I was, and I told him,
62. My grandson was
quiet for a moment, and then
he asked, "Did you start
at 1?"
3.
After putting her
grandchildren to bed, a
grandmother changed into old
slacks and a droopy blouse and
proceeded to wash her hair.
As she heard the children
getting more and more
rambunctious, her patience
grew thin. Finally, she
threw a towel around her head
and stormed into their room,
putting them back to bed with
stern warnings. As she
left the room, she heard the
three-year-old say with a
trembling voice, "Who was
THAT?"
4.
A grandmother was telling her
little granddaughter what her
own childhood was like:
"We used to skate outside
on a pond. I had a swing
made from a tire; it hung from
a tree in our front yard..
We rode our pony. We
picked wild raspberries in the
woods." The little girl
was wide-eyed, taking this all
in. At last she said,
"I sure wish I'd gotten
to know you sooner!"
5.
My grandson was visiting one
day when he asked,
"Grandma, do you know how
you and God are alike?" I
mentally polished my halo and
I said, "No, how are we
alike?'' "You're both
old," he replied.
6.
A little girl was diligently
pounding away on her
grandfather's word processor.
She told him she was writing a
story. "What's it
about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she
replied. "I can't
read.."
7.
I didn't know if my
granddaughter had learned her
colors yet, so I decided to
test her. I would point
out something and ask what
color it was. She would
tell me and was always
correct. It was fun for
me, so I continued. At
last, she headed for the door,
saying, "Grandma, I think
you should try to figure out
some of these, yourself!"
8.
When my grandson Billy and I
entered our vacation cabin, we
kept the lights off until we
were inside to keep from
attracting pesky insects.
Still, a few fireflies
followed us in. Noticing
them before I did, Billy
whispered, "It's no use
Grandpa. Now the
mosquitoes are coming after us
with flashlights."
9
When my grandson asked me how
old I was, I teasingly
replied, "I'm not
sure." "Look in your
underwear, Grandpa," he
advised, "mine says I'm 4
to 6."
10.
A second grader came home from
school and said to her
grandmother, "Grandma,
guess what? We learned
how to make babies
today." The grandmother,
more than a little surprised,
tried to keep her cool
"That's
interesting," she said,
"how do you make
babies?" "It's
simple," replied
the girl. "You just
change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
11
Children's Logic: "Give
me a sentence about a public
servant," said a teacher.
The small boy wrote: "The
fireman came down the ladder
pregnant." The teacher
took the lad aside to correct
him. "Don't you
know what pregnant
means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the
young boy confidently.
'It means carrying a
child."
12.
A grandfather was delivering
his grandchildren to their
home one day when a fire truck
zoomed past Sitting in
the front seat of the fire
truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children started
discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep
crowds back," said one
child. "No,"
said another. "He's
just for good luck."
A third child brought the
argument to a close."They
use the dogs," she said
firmly, "to find the fire
hydrants."
13.
A 6-year-old was asked where
his grandma lived.
"Oh," he said,
"she lives at the
airport, and when we want her,
we just go get her.
Then, when we're done having
her visit, we take her back to
the airport."
14.
Grandpa is the smartest
man on earth! He
teaches me good things, but I
don't get to see him enough to
get as smart as him!
15.
My Grandparents are funny,
when they bend over; you hear
gas leaks, and they blame
their dog.
