My wife sat down on the couch next to me as
I was flipping the channels. She asked,
'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust'. . And
then the fight started.
My wife was hinting about what she wanted
for our upcoming anniversary. She said,
'I want something shiny that goes from
0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a
scale. And then the fight
started.
When I got home last night, my wife demanded
that I take her someplace expensive.
so, I took her to a gas station. And
then the fight started.
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my
high school reunion, and I kept staring
at a drunken lady swigging her drink as
she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife
asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I
sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I
understand she took to drinking right
after we split up those many years ago, and
I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would
think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'.. And then the fight started.
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there
we were alongside the road and slowly
the other driver got out of his car..
You know how sometimes you just get soooo
stressed and little things just seem
funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe
it... he was a DWARF! He stormed over to my
car,looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!' So, I looked down at him and
said, 'Well, then which one are you?...And
then the fight started.
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run,
my wife kept hinting to me that I
should get it fixed. But, somehow I
always had something else to take care of
first, the truck, the car, playing
golf. Always something more important
to me. Finally she thought of a clever way
to make her point. When I arrived home
oneday, I found her seated in the tall
grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair
of sewing scissors. I watched silently
for a short time and then went into the
house.. I was gone only a minute, and when
I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, 'When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the
driveway.' The doctors say I will walk
again, but I will always have a limp.
