Welcome to Call to Decision
HOLY HUMOR
**A father was
approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what
the Bible means!"
His father smiled and
replied, "What do you mean, you
'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I
do know!"
"Okay,"
said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy,
Daddy..." the young
boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information
Before Leaving Earth.' (This one is my
favorite)
=======
There was a very
gracious lady who was
mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part
of the country.
"Is there anything
breakable in here?"
asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten
Commandments." answered the
lady.
========
"Somebody has said
there are only two kinds of
people in the world. There are those who wake up in the
morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those
who wake up in the morning
and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
========
A
minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because
he was short of time and
couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a
note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled
the block 10 times. If I
don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our
trespasses."
When he returned, he
found a citation from a police
officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10
years. If I don't give you a
ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into
temptation."
========
There is the story
of a pastor who got up one
Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have
good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money
to pay for our new building
program. The bad news is, it's still out
there in your pockets."
========
While driving in
Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of
the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because
attached to the back of the
carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient
vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in
exhaust."
========
A Sunday School
teacher began her lesson
with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about
God?"
A hand shot up in
the air. "He is an artist!" said the
kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you
know?" the teacher
asked.
"You know - Our
Father, who does art in Heaven...
"
========
A minister waited
in line to have his car
filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The
attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him.
Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend,"
said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems
as if everyone waits until
the last minute to get ready for a long
trip."
The minister chuckled,
"I know what you mean. It's the
same in my business."
========
People want the
front of the bus, the back
of the church, and the center of
attention.
========
Sunday after
church, a Mom asked her very
young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter
answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your
quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom
was perplexed. Later in
the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him
what that morning's Sunday
school lesson was about.
He said "Be not
afraid, thy comforter is coming."
========
The
minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to
ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were
expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was
annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a
substitute had been
brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted
to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of
the service," he said
impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to
play after I make the
announcement about the finances."
During the
service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we
are in great difficulty; the
roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected
and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more,
please stand up."
At that moment, the
substitute organist played "The
Star Spangled Banner."
When you carry the
Bible, Satan gets a
headache..... When you open it, he collapses..... When he
sees you reading it, he faints..... When he sees that you are living
what you read, he flees.....
And when you are about to forward this message....
He will try and discourage you.. I just defeated him!!! Any
other takers?