JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH

 Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her
 mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
 The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is
 the happiest day of her life..'
 The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom
 wearing black?'
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~

 A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she
 could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear
 Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be
 late!'

 While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting
 her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off,
 and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray, 'Dear
 Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!'
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
 Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first
 boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a
 poem, they give him $50..'
 The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on
 piece
 of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'
 The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on
 a
 piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect
 all the money!'
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
 An elderly woman died last month. Having never married , she requested no
 male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
 service,
 she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them
 to take me out when I'm dead.'
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
 A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had
 to arrest your own mother?' He answered, 'Call for backup.'
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
 A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus
 with  them to Jerusalem ... A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a
 baby-sitter. '
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five
 and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father
 and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
 treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat, one little boy
 answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
 At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including
 human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him
 how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs..
 Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill,
 and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I
 have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
 Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong
 preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about
 all this Satan stuff?'
 The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus  turned out. It's
 probably just your Dad.'
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>

 You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you
 stop  laughing! Take heed and pass these along to people who need a laugh. I
 thought you would enjoy this....times are tough right now...for all of
 us...so we need something to make the day a happy place. "They" haven't
 found a way to tax you for laughing yet.